{"id":1714,"date":"2010-03-13T10:54:05","date_gmt":"2010-03-13T18:54:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hyakupa.net\/wordpress\/?p=1714"},"modified":"2010-03-13T10:54:05","modified_gmt":"2010-03-13T18:54:05","slug":"i-hate-myself-for-being-so-useless","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/nantonaku.mittsi.net\/?p=1714","title":{"rendered":"I hate myself for being so useless"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>
\nYesterday I blogged stating that
\n“I was pretty down from rehearsals, but I’m gonna pick myself up
\nand do my best”
\nI also got a lot of support from my friend too
\nBut today as it turned out, I failed again in rehearsal \u2193<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lately, I’ve really started to hate myself<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’ve been pushed to the limits for holding my composure
\nand feel like I’m always on the verge of…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lately, I’ve been making a conscious effort to stop,
\nbut I used to always say “I wanna go home”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I said that so often,
\neven when I was at home, I’d say “I wanna go home”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In that above case, where exactly would I go then huh! (^-^;<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Even though I haven’t said it lately, I said “I wanna go home” a lot today (;_;)\u3002\u3002<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But even if I say “I wanna go home” it’s not like I can go home right away anyway
\nWhether I say or not, I go home the same time every day
\nI shouldn’t be trying to run away like that either..<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In the end, I stick with it anyway<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Of course this isn’t just for me, everyone has their share of problems and pain
\neveryone has worries they want others to listen to
\nbut despite all of that, everyone still keeps on working<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They keep on trying!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If you run away, things just end there
\nbut if you keep trying, somehow things will manage!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That’s why its more enjoyable if you just avoid saying those negative things \uff4f(\uff3e-\uff3e)\uff4f<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’ve finally realized that simple point at last (lol)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Although, even though I am aware of it, I still said a lot of negative things today<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’m still reflecting on it now (;_;)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Today I let some negative words unintentionally slip out
\nbut once I caught myself doing that, I stopped any further slip ups from happening
\nit was such a big change throughout the day!
\nI’m not sure specifically why, but I think I’m heading in a good direction now \u2191<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That’s why I just need to toss away those negative feelings and words \u2193<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am aware of that, and yet I couldn’t do it…
\nwhich is why my goal this year is to
\n“think things through calmly”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I am able to do that,
\nno wait, rather
\nWhen it becomes possible for me to do that, I don’t know…
\nBut please watch over…
\n…no actually, please keep checking up on me (>_<)\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yesterday I blogged stating that “I was pretty down from rehearsals, but I’m gonna pick myself up and do my best” I also got a lot of support from my friend too But today as it turned out, I failed again in rehearsal \u2193   Lately, I’ve really started to hate myself   I’ve been […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4OTgd-rE","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/nantonaku.mittsi.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1714"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/nantonaku.mittsi.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/nantonaku.mittsi.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nantonaku.mittsi.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nantonaku.mittsi.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1714"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/nantonaku.mittsi.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1714\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/nantonaku.mittsi.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1714"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nantonaku.mittsi.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1714"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nantonaku.mittsi.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1714"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}