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Last Updated: 2022-04-18 16:14 Hawaii Time

I hate myself for being so useless

Posted on March 13, 2010March 13, 2010 by sferris

Yesterday I blogged stating that
“I was pretty down from rehearsals, but I’m gonna pick myself up
and do my best”
I also got a lot of support from my friend too
But today as it turned out, I failed again in rehearsal ↓

Lately, I’ve really started to hate myself

I’ve been pushed to the limits for holding my composure
and feel like I’m always on the verge of…

Lately, I’ve been making a conscious effort to stop,
but I used to always say “I wanna go home”

I said that so often,
even when I was at home, I’d say “I wanna go home”

In that above case, where exactly would I go then huh! (^-^;

Even though I haven’t said it lately, I said “I wanna go home” a lot today (;_;)。。

But even if I say “I wanna go home” it’s not like I can go home right away anyway
Whether I say or not, I go home the same time every day
I shouldn’t be trying to run away like that either..

In the end, I stick with it anyway

Of course this isn’t just for me, everyone has their share of problems and pain
everyone has worries they want others to listen to
but despite all of that, everyone still keeps on working

They keep on trying!

If you run away, things just end there
but if you keep trying, somehow things will manage!

That’s why its more enjoyable if you just avoid saying those negative things ｏ(＾-＾)ｏ

I’ve finally realized that simple point at last (lol)

Although, even though I am aware of it, I still said a lot of negative things today

I’m still reflecting on it now (;_;)

Today I let some negative words unintentionally slip out
but once I caught myself doing that, I stopped any further slip ups from happening
it was such a big change throughout the day!
I’m not sure specifically why, but I think I’m heading in a good direction now ↑

That’s why I just need to toss away those negative feelings and words ↓

I am aware of that, and yet I couldn’t do it…
which is why my goal this year is to
“think things through calmly”

When I am able to do that,
no wait, rather
When it becomes possible for me to do that, I don’t know…
But please watch over…
…no actually, please keep checking up on me (>_<)